How to write a cover letter

Recently, I was asked by a friend of mine if I could provide him wth a template of a cover letter. A simple enough request, given that I have written a load of these things in my (now ended, thank fuck) epic quest for a job and he hasn't. I knew that giving my friend a template would be a nice thing to do but I didn't want to make it too easy. So I wrote out a totally new one that he could base his own efforts on and here it is. Enjoy. Or not...

Stevie: I know this is lame, but can anyone send me their Covering Letter for job interviews for me to copy and change to make it into my own? haha

 Me: Google it, there's a billion fucking templates out there

Stevie: Yeah I got some templates, they're shit! I want something already wrote out that I can just edit my info into, don't fancy wasting an hour or two writing a beg letter! Send me yours you sloppy shitbag

Me: Dear Sir or Madam,

I am a lonely yet wealthy Arab gentleman writing to apply for the job of Oil Baron that you have recently advertised in the local newspaper.

As you can see from my CV, I have gained considerable experience in film scores in my work as a pilot for Qantas Airlines. I have also gained experience in this field whilst working part-time as a fauna inspector at the local nature reserve. As well as the skills gained in these two jobs, I have gained a great deal of experience in customer service working at Dignitas in Switzerland. This position has also helped me come to terms with death and given me a newfound respect for life and the arts, most namely interpretive dance. I feel that I can bring the skillset I have earned in my previous jobs to your company.

My ambition in life is to become a professional curling umpire and I feel that by working for your company I can gain the skills and qualifications needed to take the mighty step up from enthusiast to partaker of the great game.

You will find that I am an outgoing person (unless you speak to me i any tone other than the one Chewbacca uses in the Star Wars movies) and you will be pleased to know it has been at least 3 days since I last had an urge to kill a prostitute and bury her in a children's play area, so you can put that down as being a very sociable person who works well in teams (provided none of the team members are Semites down to 6 generations). I trust that you will be making the necessary checks before employing future staff.

Please find enclosed my CV for your attention and I look forward to hearing from you soon, preferably by carrier pidgeon or Morse code.

Yours faithfully,

Me: Hope this helps.

So there we go, I did my good deed for the day AND had some fun with it too. You can also feel free to use this template for whatever job you like.